Hey Mom, Back Me Up

I've had a horrible cough for what seems like forever. Actually, I think it's a second round of a cough. Allergies started it in October and once the cold weather set in, it began to go away.

Well, it's come back with a vengeance.

I've been hacking up a lung the past four nights in a row. The living room couch has become my home so I don't keep the entire family up with my barking.

I'm freaking exhausted.

This morning I MADE myself get into the shower, because seriously, I couldn't stand the stench anymore.

I told the kids that I'd only be about ten minutes and to please behave.

Pfffft.

Two minutes in and I could hear T. and R. arguing. Damn it, I wasn't even going to be able to shave my legs.

As the two of them shouted over each other through the bathroom door, I rinsed the conditioner out of my hair and hopped out of the tub.

Now, I would normally have just let them duke it out, but the lack of sleep and the fact that I forgot to take my happy pill this morning, just wouldn't allow me to tune out the ruckus.

I wrapped a towel around my body and flew open the door.

"Can't I even get a shower in peace?!"

They proceeded to spout he said/she said words at me. All I heard was "Wah, wah, wah."

"Enough! If you can't get along, just stay away from each other, please!"

T. turned and ran up the stairs. He was probably off to antagonize his brother.

R. stood and looked at me. I could see a lump in her cheek. She was rolling her tongue around on the inside of her mouth. This is something new she does, which immediately tells me that she is going to tell me she did something I would not approve of.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Um, mom, did you hear me call T. a bad word?"

"No, I didn't. But you aren't allowed to use bad words, are you?"

"No, but he was being mean."

"Well, it's not okay for you to call him bad words. What do you think I should do about this?"

Her sweet little face looked up at me and she said, "You should call him a bigger bad word."

Ahhhh, the mind of a six year old.

Belated Merry Christmas!

This is our annual family Christmas card. It portrays the Schmitty Kids as they should be...in all of their goofy glory!

Hope you all had a very Merry, Merry!!!

(I had full intentions of posting this on Christmas Eve and actually thought I had...but I guess that bottle of wine or so killed off those memory brain cells.)

This Guy Sees You When Your Sleeping Too

Have you heard of the Elf on the Shelf? I never had up until about two weeks ago.

The Elf, one of Santa's helpers, makes his appearance in your home before the holidays. His sole responsibility is to report to Santa to let him know if the children of the household are worthy of the Nice List or not.

WOW!

I need me one of those! You'd think that the Schmitty Kids would be perfect angels before the arrival of the jolly old soul. But the closer we seem to get to Christmas, the more they seem to be begging for coal in their stockings.

I keep telling them that Santa is going to fly on by our house....laughing all the way!

Hey!

So, out I went to search for this Elf. I figured, I've tried everything else, what did I have to lose? I was desperate people. Desperate, I say!

I guess my kids are not the only ones with behavioral issues lately. The Elf on the Shelf was no where to be found. Sold out here, sold out there, sold out everywhere!

Dang.

But then I got to thinking. A sweet, little Elf, could he deter my strong willed brood from wreaking havoc?

BWAAHHHAHHHAA!

I told Mr. Schmitty that a light bulb had been flipped on in my evil mind. I've explained, in the past, about my children's fear of the dark and most anything scary, right?

"I couldn't find an Elf," I told my husband. "But I think I've come up with a more effective solution!"

"Oh yea?" He looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

He knows me too well.

"Yes, all I need to do is put on a Freddy Kruger costume and tell them, "Behave, or I'll be back!"

blink. blink.

"Oh come on!" I said, "You KNOW that would work!"

He's no fun.

Taking an Artistic Risk

"Mommy! We made Dreidels today at school!" R. exclaimed.

"You did? Can I see it?" I asked.

She skipped over to the couch where she had thrown her backpack upon arriving home from school.

Smiling, obviously proud of her work, she skipped back to me. She was holding a card stock cutout in the shape of a Dreidel.

She turned her art toward me and said, "And Mommy, I even colored it red and green for Christmas!!"


Me thinks something was lost in translation.

Week 49 - “Pets Only!” Photo Challenge

This is Ruby. After apparently taste testing some mud pies, our adorable pet looked at me with those sad puppy eyes; the expression was just begging me to let her inside.

Did she seriously think I was going to let her in the backdoor looking like THAT?!

Have Yourself a Merry Little White Lie

Earlier this week, while the kids were in school, I began the task of Christmas gift wrapping. I stood at my kitchen island and got a jump on one of my least favorite jobs of the season.

Though a perfectionist, in most aspects of my life, I prefer to just get it done, as opposed to a perfectly adorned package. Well, at least where presents are concerned.

Heh.

As I cut, folded, and taped, I got lost in my own thoughts. I recalled the time when W. recognized that his gifts from Santa were wrapped in the paper that I had purchased from Target a few days earlier.

"Mommy, you must be Santa because you wrapped these!" He accused.

I, a true Believer who will NEVER, willingly, admit to any child that Santa is a fake, quickly concocted a story to ease his mind.

"I buy the wrapping paper for Santa," I explained. "If he put wrapped gifts on a sleigh and then flew them all around the world they'd be torn to shreds!"

He looked at me suspiciously, "He can't have enough time to wrap them at our house!"

"He doesn't do it silly! While he is eating the milk and cookies you left for him, his elves wrap the gifts!"

He smiled and the day was saved.

W. was also the one to ask me how Santa was able to get into our house because we didn't have a fireplace with a chimney.

Damn kid can't ever make it easy on me. Ahem.

Thus, the tradition of crafting a magic key began. I would cut the shape of a key from card stock and he would decorate it. He would then hang it on the mailbox on Christmas Eve. Only Santa was able to make the key work our lock. And then, in a puff of smoke, the key disappeared.

As we added children to our brood, we'd have three keys for Santa. The lie explanation was that Santa needed one from each child who lived in the house for the magic to work. The reality was that my kids couldn't work together on one key. A few years ago my Aunt gave the kids an actual "Santa Key" to hang outside before they go to bed.

And so, again, the spirit of St. Nick was preserved.

Now tell me, what's your holiday white lie?

Week 48 - “Sweet Dreams” Photo Challenge

This picture looks so sweet. A girl and her puppy - fast asleep. I can only hope that her dreams were sweet. You see, this picture was taken on Halloween of 2007. After walking home from the elementary school, where her older brother was in a parade, the day went sour. We reached the front lawn and she just looked up at me, all adorable in her Ladybug costume, and proceeded to get sick all over herself. That was the beginning of her 24 hour stomach virus.

She missed Halloween.

Regardless, I still believe her dreams were sweet.....thinking of ALL of the candy her dear brothers collected for her that night.



For more great photos.....head on over to i ♥ faces!

Family Funnies

I was standing in the bathroom, trying to apply enough makeup to look half way decent, when in came my shadow, otherwise known as my daughter.

She plopped down on the closed lid of the toilet and said, in a most normal conversational way, "Mom. T. told me that my breath sucks."

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Last year W. had to learn all of the state capitals. T. came across the flash cards we used and began to quiz W. to see if he still remembered them.

W. began really well, he quickly rattled off each capital. His voice was getting louder and more excited with each card that T. flipped toward him.

Suddenly he started to answer incorrectly. He was clearly getting frustrated, much to T.'s amusement.

T., who was turning over the cards, faster and faster, showed the "Lincoln" card for the state of Nebraska.

W.'s reply?

"ABRAHAM!"

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The Christmas cards began to roll in this week. I usually let the kids open them. They get so excited, especially by the photo cards. They love to see the faces of our friends and family.

The other day, R. was opening a batch and she said, "WOW! Mommy look at this family! It's so big!"

I glanced at the card and said, "Honey, that's the Baby Jesus and the Manger scene."

Thanks For The Reminder Carrie Underwood.....

"What you got if you ain't got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out
And just be left alone
Don't run out on your faith

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
What you've been out there searching for forever,
Is in your hands
When you figure out love is all that matters, after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big, at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole
While you're sittin' round thinking about what you can't change
And worryin' about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count, cause you can't get it back"

.....Sometimes I forget.

Week 47 - “We ♥ Tooshies” Photo Challenge

This is going to be my first entry into the I ♥ Faces Photo Challenge. We ♥ Tooshies is the perfect subject for me. No, not because I'm an ass...but because it's a silly subject! (Be nice to me, would ya?! Sheesh!)

Anyway, this picture just cracks (no pun intended) me up. My little comedian, T., is doing the booty shake. The photo was taken this past May. We had our first hot day of the season so I set up the sprinkler outside. When the kids came home from school with some friends, they were thrilled, as you can see!