Trick or Treat, Smell My Feet!

Happy Halloween Everyone!!

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I Don't Write, I Don't Comment, I Don't Read....Yet, You Still Love Me!

I have been missing from the Blogosphere lately. I haven't written in over two weeks. I haven't answered emails and I haven't returned comments. I haven't read blogs. Well, except for Cake Wrecks, Craftastrophe, and People of Walmart, 'cause I like looking at the pictures, and they are as funny as hell.

Now, I could lie and say that I've been in the Witness Protection Program after blowing the whistle on these companies for ripping us off.

I could say that I damaged my typing finger on my keyboard trying to hit the, now absent, letter B (thanks kids!). And you might just believe me because I do like to use the words Bitch and Bastard a lot, so the letter B is essential to my existence.

I could say my addiction has gotten the best of me and I had to begin outpatient treatment right after I managed my Cafe and tended to my Farm.

But none of those explanations are the reason I have been scarce around here. The real reason is....my mind has gas. Major, MAJOR gas. I have been having nothing but brain farts and quite honestly, it's not pretty. I can barely form a complete sentence. Life has been flying by at supersonic speed just dealing with the kids and THEIR lives. Because as you know, being a parent, I don't have one of my own.

And maybe it is this missing B button too....it's really pissing me off. May*e I'll stop using it all together.

Anywho.

Even though I have *een missing....you all STILL love me. You do, you really, REALLY do! I've received two awards in my a*sence.

First is from a girl I wish I knew IRL. I wished she lived in my neigh*orhood. I think we might *e really, REALLY great friends. It is the wonderful and *eautiful *aloney from That's *aloney! She has *estowed onto me this *est Blog Award! Thank you!!

Next is Krystal from Tap That Mom. I do *elieve she and I are long lost sisters. We seem to have the same sense of humor and try to laugh at the craziness of raising kids. She has given me the Spreader of Love Award. Thank you sweetie!


Now, to spare you an awfully long post today, I will *e passing on these awards tomorrow. Plus then I actually have something else to write about. Heh.

Thanks again my lovelies!! MUAH!

*insert the letter that comes after A and *efore C at each asterisk.

Disgruntled Consumer

As my kids are growing, so are their appetites. I have 3 skinny kids and really didn't think they ate a lot. But as the groceries seem to dwindle at a rapid pace, I am now realizing that yes, they ARE little piggies. Either that, or I'm eating in my sleep.

Heh.

If you take a look at my checkbook, other than bill entries, you mostly see: "Wegmans", "Foodtown", "Wegmans", "Wegmans", etc., etc. We are constantly taking trips to the food store.

Quite honestly, it's breaking the bank.

I've been trying different ideas to cut back on the expense. I buy store brand items, whenever possible. Most products from Wegmans are great, some not so much. I try something new every trip to see if it will pass the taste test with my kids. If it does, it makes onto the list, permanently.

I also have been taking their snacks and breaking them down into snack bags. I purchase the store brand, snack sized, ziploc baggies and place one serving size in each. Though time consuming, I have to say, that since doing this, I see that snacks last a LOT longer. The kids no longer sit in front of the tv with a bag of pretzels and polish it off. The mindless eating was spoiling their real meals and costing me a fortune. The snack bag actually fills them; the bag empties and they are done. It's SO worth the effort!

Can I get an Amen?

This morning I took a large box of Goldfish and a bag of Teddy Grahams and looked at the label. I actually counted out each serving and filled as many bags as I could. I then placed them in a plastic basket in the snack cabinet.

That's when I noticed something. According to the Teddy Grahams box I should have had 10 servings. The Goldfish box should have had 32.

They ripped me off! I was a serving short on bears and 4 servings off on Goldfish. Now I understand that some of the food gets crushed in the box. There were a few pieces of the graham crackers in the bottom of the bag and quite a big of the Goldfish. BUT....not THAT much was mashed.

How long have I been gypped? Think about how that adds up over the years.

Shame on you Pepperidge Farms and Nabisco! How about some FREE coupons?

He Waltzed Right Into It

Mr. Schmitty and I got into bed the other night, exhausted. That's what happens when you stay up too late; one on the computer playing Bejeweled and the other playing war games on Xbox.

Anyway, I rolled over, in the dark, to give him a kiss goodnight. I was met with the most puckered up lips I have ever encountered.

"That was like kissing an asshole!" I snorted hysterically.

"You've kissed an asshole alot?" He chuckled back.

"Everyday of my life, dear, everyday.of.my.life."

******************************************************

Mr. Schmitty took the chocolate ice cream from the freezer. I then watched him take a large serving spoon from the kitchen drawer. He popped the lid off of the container and scooped out a large mound of ice cream. He proceeded to eat it right off the spoon as he put the container back into the freezer.

"That's all you are going to have?" I asked the ice cream fiend.

"Yup!" He mumbled through his apparent blissful moment.

"I see you keep doing that lately. I can't believe that's all you are having," I said as I watched him enjoy the last of the melting goodness.

"I'm just having enough to curb my craving," he said as he placed the spoon in the sink.

He turned toward me and I lifted my shirt. I flashed my freshly unleashed girls at him.

"There! That should have curbed any cravings you might have!" I exclaimed as I turned and walked away.