This Will Be Me In A Few Hours

At approximately 1:00 pm EST, I will be heading off with my neighbor and friend, J., to the Poconos. We are meeting four other women for a Moms Only weekend. We will be staying in house with a fireplace and hot tub.

Pajamas - CHECK
Wine - CHECK
Pop Culture Magazines - CHECK
Wine - CHECK
iPod - CHECK
Wine - CHECK
Chick Flix - CHECK
Wine - CHECK
Cash and Debit Card for Shopping - CHECK
Oh and Wine - CHECK, CHECK


I will catch you all on Monday!!! Love you.....MUAH!

UPDATE: Bathing Suit - CHECK! (No chunky dunking for me)

I'll Take The Poison Apple

Do you ever feel like Cinderella? You know, before the grand ball, Prince, and glass slipper incident.

"Make the fire, fix the breakfast, wash the dishes, do the mopping, and the sweeping and the dusting, they always keep her hopping. She goes around in circles, till she's very, very dizzy. Still they holler, keep a-busy."

Being married, having kids, having a pet, and running a household is like living the first thirty minutes of your average fairytale. You wonder sometimes what the hell you did to deserve it all.

And you know something? I'm not believing all the hype of those Happily-Ever-After stories. Nope, not one bit, because once the ring goes on the finger, it's.all.over.honey!

Those poor naive girls. Most of them only had animals, fairies, or short, dirty, old men to talk to. Who wouldn't fall for one of those good-looking royal fellas?

But I'm betting the grass wasn't always greener. There's a reason all of their tales ended when they did. You never got a follow-up. There was no sequel or mini-series. And you certainly never saw Snow White or Ariel on "Where Are They Now?"

Sure, you can probably assume that each Prince whisked his bride away on a lovely honeymoon. The newlyweds probably went to some remote, exotic island. 'Cause you know Mr. Romantic was thinking, "I'm gonna tap that tonight!" But the second they got back to their castles, I'm thinking it was all downhill for our fair, young maidens.

Without exception, each Prince starting throwing his dirty socks on the floor and leaving the seat up. And forget it when it was time to start pushing out kids. Those ungrateful little boogers not only wrecked those beautiful, Princess bodies forever, they were instrumental in making mama talk to herself and twitch.

Taking that all into account, I'm quite certain this is how they would look today:


Yup, that's them, married with kids, and all about to head off to the funny farm. Excuse me while I lace up this pretty straight jacket and join them.

Cue Spooky Music Here

This morning I was working diligently on a few orders for my business. I had received them while I was being ravaged by THE BUG FROM HELL.

I was in the zone, I tell you. I had Carrie Underwood playing on my iPod, as my fingers worked furiously over my computer's keyboard. I was processing invoices for the orders that I had completed. Cha-Ching!

Suddenly, I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck. An eerie feeling crept over me. I was afraid to look over my shoulder. It was as though a presence had joined me in my office; one that was not human. I could just imagine the eyes boring into my soul.

I slowly turned in my chair and came face to face with this:

DAMN KIDS!

The Bug From Hell or How NOT to spend Valentine's Day Weekend

Saturday, Feb. 14th, 1:45 am: I just settled into bed. Mr. Schmitty and I stayed up; he playing Xbox and I reading blogs.

2 am: R. comes into my room saying her tummy hurts. She proceeds to vomit into the garbage can. (Why do they always vomit in the middle of the night?)

2 - 5 am: I, propped up on pillows, watch my daughter and fade in and out of sleep, waking periodically to hold the garbage can under her chin.

5 am: Switch places with Mr. Schmitty because I'm delirious.

5 - 10 am: R. continues to get sick off and on. She is bundled up on the couch watching a Spongebob marathon. She isn't even interested in the Valentine's Day gift she got.

10 am - Sunday, Feb. 15th, 5 am: R. has managed to hold down liquids and some cheerios. She seems like she is doing okay. It must have only been a 12 hour bug.

5:05 am: R. vomits again. WTF?!

5:05 - 5 pm: R. flip flops back and forth from being able to keep liquid down for a while and then, just when you think it's over, it starts again.

5 pm: Suddenly Mr. Schmitty doesn't feel well. He rushes to the bathroom. He begins the nightmare.

5:10 pm: Now I become nauseous.

5:30 pm: I run to the bathroom.

5:30 - 6:15 pm: Mr. Schmitty is in the upstairs bathroom. I am in the downstairs bathroom. My daughter is in the living room with a garbage can. I run back and forth between my toilet and her. The boys don't know what to do with themselves. I'm trying to keep them away but they want to help.

6:30 pm: R. falls asleep on the couch. I am lying in the hallway outside of the bathroom with my head on the step going into the laundry room. Mr. Schmitty practically crawls downstairs to me. We call the neighbor who is a member of the town first aid.

6:35 pm: He comes over, accesses and calls an ambulance.

Now, nothing the Schmitty's do is without excitement, so picture this:

When the neighbor called the ambulance, he was sent to the county dispatch instead of our town first aid. He said he had a family with flu-like symptoms. They thought maybe CO poisoning (Carbon Monoxide), so they sent police, the fire chief, a fire truck, AND an ambulance. The neighborhood was lit up like the 4th of July.

We are close to a lot of neighbors so EVERYONE was out there. R. was carried out. I was helped out by a police officer because I thought I might pass out, and Mr. Schmitty was almost forgotten in the john. My brother-in-law came to watch the boys until my sister-in-law could get here. He wouldn't come near the house so he stayed with them in the car. (wimp-ass)

Once we got to the hospital, they gave us IV fluids and meds to stop the vomiting and stomach cramping. Mr. Schmitty and I were discharged at midnight but R. needed to stay overnight for more fluids. He and I stayed, sleeping on chairs, until she was discharged at 4 pm on Monday.

The hubby just HAD to take this from HIS bed. Don't I look lovely? Look at my sleeping angel.

We are all home. The boys, thankfully haven't shown any signs of coming down with it yet. R. is doing great. Mr. Schmitty and I are still feeling like we got run over, repeatedly, by a MACK truck. But we're getting there......little by little.

It's Been A Hard Day's Ride

Last Sunday, the Schmitty clan decided to pencil in some much needed family time, and took advantage of the unseasonably warm weather. We went to a local park and did some bike riding. We had a fantastic time. It was so nice to get out and spend some quality time together.

I was a little worried about feeling my age the next morning. It's been a while since I exercised that much. I really thought I would wake up with sore thighs and calves. When I got out of bed, I was quite surprised that I felt no tightness or pain in my legs.

However, my girly bits? Yowza! I felt like I had done a lot more than just ride a bike the day before. If you get my drift. [wink, wink]

After questioning Mr. Schmitty and making sure that he hadn't had his way with me while I slept, I decided to Google women's bike seats. I figured if I was going to get some good old fashioned exercise, I'd need to soften the blow to my nether regions.

The bike seat that I have now looks like this:

As you can see there is more than enough cushion for the bum. For me, not an issue, I've got plenty of my own cushioning. But padding on the section for the more sensitive parts? There's not so much.

There are a few different styles of women's bike seats available. Take this one for example:

See the strip in the middle? That's a ventilation channel to keep you cool. Yes, that's right ladies, as you ride you can have air wafting up into your hoo-ha to avoid overheating. This seat also comes with a special pad that absorbs shocks and reduces vibration. Shit, if I have to exercise I don't want to be reducing any vibrations, I've got to have some enjoyment, don't I?

And what's with this seat?



Nothing says, "This is a girl bike," like a Vagina inspired seat. Well, nothing says it better than maybe one in Labia Pink:And I just know that a man designed this one. He made sure to include the easy access feature:


This one? Not even an option:



I don't even want to know what kind of damage this would cause if you should hit a bump and slip off the butt pads.

And check these out:




If you are as freaked out as I am about how the seats look, you can cover them up with these animal seat covers. Because who doesn't want to go for a ride in their neighborhood with a goat, bear, or dog looking like it's sniffing your crotch or shoving it's head up your ass? I mean you just don't get better than that!

And one last thing. This is for you sir, whoever you are, that invented this male bike seat:


Overcompensate much?

Video Hodgepodge

The things I'll do for that kid (W.) just to entertain him! I needed an ice pack for my neck or a chiropractor after this stunt. It sucks to get old, I tell ya! (And yes, that IS Mr. Schmitty's finger in the upper left corner.)



My 6 year old monkey. I had no idea he could do this! (if you have your sound on, sorry about the noise...it was SO windy!)



My 10 year old just loves me so........



The Spongebob Dance (thanks to Lotus for telling me what the hell he was doing!)

Just Ignore Those Subliminal Messages

I was accessing our financial situation. In a nutshell, it sucks. Bills, bills, and more bills. Only having one income for a family of five, in Jersey no less, isn't easy. My business isn't pulling in any extra money. I hate to close it down, I worked SO hard on it, but is it something I can keep holding on to?

SOME BIG COMPANY SEND ME TO BLOGHER '09! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

I've cracked down on our spending. I have organized myself and am concentrating on eliminating our debt. I'm hoping for a miracle. Okay, things aren't THAT bad. I just want to be debt free.

I NEED TO GO TO CHICAGO! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

Upon opening my eyes, I have had to rethink my plans for July. More specifically my trip to Chicago to attend Blogher '09. I'm on the fence. I keep going back and forth and can't seem to decide.

I'M BEGGING ON MY HANDS AND KNEES! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

I checked into a few things. Airfare = $318.00. Hotel for 3 nights, plus charges and taxes = $688.94. Blogher Conference Pass, plus fee = $202.95. That's a minimum of $1,209.89, plus all of the other non-essentials.

I WILL PINK PUFFY HEART YOU FOREVER! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

That's a hunk of change. Can I justify spending that? I'm not sure.

I SO WANT TO STALK MEET THOSE AWESOME A-LIST BLOGGERS! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

Mr. Schmitty is on board. He knows how badly I want to go this year. He wants me to go and have a good time because I don't do much for myself. Lately, I seem to be doing for everyone else and haven't gotten a moment's peace.

I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM MY FAMILY I NEED A MOMMY BREAK! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

So, what's a girl to do?

BEG, PLEAD, KISS FEET? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

I was thinking of pimping myself out.....see if any companies wanted to sponsor a D-List blogger. I swear I would be forever grateful. I'd wear clothing, hats, underwear, anything with your logo on it! I'd talk you up at the cocktail parties. Just make sure your name is easy to pronounce because, well, it's a cocktail party and I don't want to slur your name. And don't they say that SEX sells? I mean c'mon, you just can't get any SEXier than this:

DON'T YOU WISH YOUR BLOGGER WAS HOT LIKE ME?
Send me to BlogHer'09!!
PLEASE!!

Being Creative

It's that time of year again that I go completely batty. The elementary school is preparing for their biggest fundraiser, our Chance Auction that coincides with our annual PTA Installation Dinner. I am the Chair for the Ad Journal which is the event book for the evening. I have to solicit donations and prepare the book for printing.

I also design and print over 450 Invitations for the dinner. It's a huge job.

This year's theme is the Boardwalk. The woman who is the Chair for the Auction can't seem to decide which design she likes. The rest of our committee is going to vote on the two designs that I have come up with tomorrow night. I hope they can make a decision, as they take me quite a while to make, and I really don't want to start from scratch.

What do you think?

This one......

Or this one.......

I like the second, myself.

I have also been painting a mural for my cousin (Mr. Schmitty's cousin's wife). She just recently purchased a Kumon Center. The mural will be used to keep track of the children's progress in the program. It is one of two murals I will be doing for her.

This first one is about half way done. I still need to place a second coat on some of it and then outline the design in black to make it "pop".


So, needless to say, I've been a tad busy....but I love being creative. I'd love to hear some of your feedback!