I Got A Good One!

I guess I'm the only one who was lucky enough to get a real
PRINCE CHARMING!

Happy 15th Anniversary Mr. Schmitty!

NLMLYD!

A Troublemaker's Timeline

The following post is what happens when you leave a three year old girl, who seems to be going through a monster faze, a pile of french fries, with ketchup, of course, and a seven month old puppy, that just loves said girl, especially when she has food, in a room for a few minutes ~ ALONE. (Okay, okay, so I had a brain fart)

2:06 pm: I leave R. at the dining room table with her french fries. R. is eating happily while watching Spongebob's "The Best Day Ever".

2:09 pm: As I am checking my business email, I hear Mr. Schmitty yell, "You'd better get up here!"

2:10 pm: We are cleaning up french fries, that Ruby is desperately trying to scoff down, that were dumped on the living room rug, "Because Ruby likes french fries!"


2:12 pm: Mr. Schmitty is bathing the pooch because, "Look Mama, I finger painted Ruby with the ketchup!"


2:13 pm: I am striping down my little Picasso because her new, cute, pink skort and top looks like she hemorrhaged in it. She also needs to get into the tub, for the second time today, because her arms are completely smeared with the remainder of the ketchup, "Just like sunblock!"


2:21 pm: I take a clean R. out of the tub and wrap her in a towel. She begins fighting me as I try to put on her clean clothes.

2:27 pm: I give up the fight and tell her to put on her own damn clothes.

2:29 pm: I leave the room, yet again, for only moments so I can try to save her outfit. I throw the outfit into the washing machine and return to the living room. The room is vacant, the clean clothes are in a heap on the floor.

2:32 pm: I begin the search.

2:33 pm: I find a naked R. in the upstairs bathroom, she is laughing hysterically. She is sitting in a pile of this:


2:34 pm: I begin talking to myself and wonder if I should begin drinking even though it's before 5:00 pm.

2:37 pm: I practically pin R. to the floor and as I get pummeled with fists and feet, I manage to get her dressed.

2:45 pm: I hand off the devil child to Mr. Schmitty, give him a kiss on the cheek, and apologize.

2:46 pm: I leave the room and hide in my cave office.

2:49 pm: I begin searching Google. I make a great discovery. I'm seriously considering an investment into these Papoose Boards. Look, they have sizes for all the Schmitty kids! The day may not be a total loss.



2:50 pm: Yes Spongebob, it just may be "The Best Day Ever!" after all.

Prepping For October

You know that your child is bored when you leave the room for five minutes, JUST TO PEE, and you come back and find this:


I have been T.P.'ed by my daughter. Well, it's not actually toilet paper, it's a roll and a half of calculator tape. She decorated my computer chair for one of two reasons;

1. She is preparing for the upcoming Halloween festivities next month and wants to make sure that her Mischief Night is well practiced for....or....

2. I was on the computer a little too long and she's not having it.

In all fairness to R., I went with reason number two and decided we needed to get out of the house for a while. The boys were both in school so I asked her if she wanted to go to the Dollar Tree to get items for her birthday party. She'll be 4 on October 20th and we are going to have a Dress-Up Tea Party. Three little friends are coming and are allowed to bring a guest (i.e. Mr. Teddy Bear or Suzzy Poops A Lot). I plan on having cut-out sandwiches, tea a.k.a. apple juice, cookies, etc. The moms and I are going to do make-overs and nails. It is going to be so much fun.

Now, I love the Dollar Tree, not only have I been able to torment my kids with this fine establishment, but I can get stuff for.only.a.DOLLAR! You can't beat that, can ya? We dug through everything and this is the loot we are giving to each girl at the party:


There is a furry boa, a furry purse, a Tinkerbell comb and mirror, bracelets, a necklace, lip gloss, nail jewels, bath soap shaped like candy, a ring pop, and a candy necklace and ring.

R. was so adorable picking out all of the favors. She would grab four of everything and say, "Oh, my friends will LOVE these!" and she would fill the cart with her armfuls of stuff. Stuff I had to put back on the shelves when she wasn't looking. Thank goodness three year olds don't have long attention spans.

At one point I was looking at something and I hear her say, "Oh these would be perfect!" I see her throw four small, pink, rectangular packages in the cart.


I'm thinkin' they've got a few years to go before they'll need these.

Yes, I'm Still Alive!

Wow, it's been almost a week since I last posted. Where did the week go? Did you miss me? I've been a bad, bad blogger. I'm out of whack now that school has started and not quite into a routine yet. But I'm getting there.

Mr. Schmitty and I went to our overnight wedding getaway on Saturday! It was a much needed break. It was the first time we have ever been away from the kids overnight - together. It was AWESOME! We were gone 23 hours!!

The wedding was very nice. The bride and groom looked gorgeous. Everything went smoothly and looked perfect. The hour long ceremony ended at 3:45 pm. The reception wasn't beginning until 6. We were starving. I was so afraid my stomach was going to growl during the wedding vows, I was that hungry. We stopped for a quick bite with our friends/neighbors because we knew we wouldn't make it until the cocktail hour.

It was a good thing we did because the Hors D'ouvres were very upscale. I'm a picky eater and with Mr. Schmitty's celiac...well, there wasn't much for us. The neighborhood (the 'hood) guests kept wondering when the pigs in a blanket, pizza bites, and mozzarella sticks were going to be served. Hey, we're easy, none of this fancy smancy stuff for us!

A great time was had by all at the reception. There was a 10 piece band that was amazing. Everyone danced the whole night. They even went an extra hour. I had a ball dancing with my two female friends, while the guys hung out by the bar, making fun of us, I'm sure. I haven't danced like that in a very long time and I paid for it the next day. I think I may need a hip replaced.

We woke up the next morning and joined the remaining guests for a buffet breakfast. MMMMMMMMMMMM....the food was delicious!

By 10:30 am we were actually missing the kids. We drove the hour or so back and we were greeted by W. and R. running out the door screaming, "MOMMY! DADDY!" It was the best. Though T., the middle, sensitive child, was mad at us. He wouldn't speak to me for about an hour. It must have finally hit him because he hadn't been upset up until that point. Unless, of course, he was pissed that we were home. Hhhhmmmm...I think I may be hurt, come to think of it.

So, there it is, my day of glory in a nutshell. I'm glad to be home.

Remembering 9/11/01

Where were you on September 11, 2001? What were you doing when American Airlines Flight 11 and United Airlines Flight 175 crashed into the World Trade Center's Twin Towers? Who were you with when you watched the aftermath of American Airlines Flight 77 crashing into the Pentagon? What were you thinking when United Airlines Flight 93 crashed in Somerset County, Pennsylvania?

I don't care how old I get, or how senile, I will always know the answers to those four questions. I don't think anyone over the age of twenty will ever forget the horror this country felt on that day, six years ago.

I was in my kitchen when the telephone rang. W., who was three, was watching Teletubbies in the playroom. The caller ID showed Mr. Schmitty's cell number.

"Are you watching tv?"

"Are you kidding? Teletubbies is on!" I replied.

"Turn on the news, some guy just flew his plane into one of The World Trade Center buildings!" At the time, it was thought that a small plane had crashed. They did not know that it was a commercial airliner.

"WHAT?!"

I head over to the tv as I hear Mr. Schmitty yell, "Oh My God, another one just flew into the other building! I have to go!" He hangs up as I stand staring at the tv, phone in hand, and mouth hanging open.

At the time Mr. Schmitty was working in the Marine Bureau of the State Police of NJ. His station was in Port Newark which is located directly across the river from NY. He was watching all of this unfold. My heart sank. I knew he'd be involved in whatever all of this was. And what was this? Was there more to come? Where? What?

I was glued to the tv for the next hour. The telephone was ringing off the hook. I didn't want to answer it. My husband's family was wondering if he was working. They wanted to know details, details I didn't have. I couldn't keep reassuring everyone. I wanted them to leave me alone. I knew they were worried too, but I needed them to stop asking me questions I didn't have the answers to.

Finally Mr. Schmitty called me. None of the telephone lines for the station were working. Cell phones were failing too. He needed me to start contacting his fellow officers and telling them to come in to help. Those were the hardest phone calls, especially when their wives would answer the phone. I was telling them that their husbands had to go into the unknown.

That phone call was the last I received from Mr. Schmitty for the rest of the day. I didn't know what he was doing, where he was, nothing. I was a wreck. I needed to turn off the tv. I couldn't watch anymore, it was making me crazy. I remember my neighbor had come over with his kids. We sat in the yard watching them play. We just watched them, so innocent, so unaware. We each had a beer to calm our nerves.

I am so thankful that Mr. Schmitty came home to us that night, unharmed physically, but you could see the toll of the day in his eyes. We all changed a bit that day.

I am extremely lucky that I have my husband to hold. Others were not as fortunate and for them, I send my prayers. For them I will light a candle as a reminder of what was lost six years ago today.

Hasn't He Been Through Enough?

I've been MIA for a few days. It's been very exhausting and hectic around here, to say the least. On Friday I had just returned from bringing T. to Pre-K. I walked into the house and heard the phone ringing. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was W.'s school.

That's never a good thing.

I answered the call and was greeted by the school nurse. She told me that W. was having some chest pain. He had been outside at recess, however, because of the heat the children were not allowed to run around. Even though this was the case, his heart rate was up. I told her I would be right over to get him.

In case some of you don't know, W. was born with a heart defect. The main arteries to his heart were switched. He also had a hole in his heart. When he was 5 days old he went through open heart surgery and it was repaired. He is now a healthy boy and does not take any medications for it. The only restrictions he has is no contact sports, which has nothing to do with his heart but is not allowed because his ribs were wired closed after this surgery. He sees his cardiologist twice a year for check-ups and there have never been any problems out of the ordinary for this type of surgery.

But to hear that he was having chest pains sent me into a complete panic. Mr. Schmitty called the cardiologist while I was gone. I asked W. what was wrong and he said that it hurt to drink, eat, and lie down. He had a pain right in the middle of his chest, which was making him wince. Mr. Schmitty told me upon my arrival home that the cardiologist said that from the symptoms he had, it couldn't be his heart. He suggested we take him to the pediatrician. I wanted to know why he was making a diagnosis over the phone! I was pissed! The pediatrician, of course, didn't want to touch him in case it WAS the heart. They suggested we take him to the cardiologist. Don't you just love it?!

Mr. Schmitty took him to the emergency room instead. And to make a long, long story short, he has Spontaneous Pneumothorax, which is:

"Spontaneous pneumothorax is a sudden collection of air or gas in the chest that causes the lung to collapse in the absence of a traumatic injury to the chest or lung. Spontaneous pneumothorax occurs in individuals with no known lung disease. It affects close to 9,000 persons in the United States each year- most often among tall, thin men between 20 and 40 years old. The cause of this type of pneumothorax is the rupture of a bleb or cyst in the lung.

Symptoms include:

Chest pain on affected side
Dyspnea (shortness of breath)
Cough
Abnormal breathing movement
Rapid respiratory rate
Spontaneous pneumothorax is diagnosed by chest radiographs.

The way the condition is treated is dependant on its size and course. The objective of treatment is to remove the air from the pleural space, allowing the lung to reexpand. A small pneumothorax will resolve on its own in 1 to 2 weeks. Larger pneumothoraxes require either needle aspiration or a chest tube. Hospitalization is required for chest tube management as the reexpansion of the lung may take several days with the chest tube left in place. Surgery may be performed for a repeated episode to prevent recurrence."

Yea, scary, huh? A few key points. His lung didn't collapse, but COULD HAVE. Many people think the pain is a pulled muscle. If we thought that, his lung could have collapsed. Only 9,000 in the US get it and usually it's men 20-40, he's 9. The poor child has been through so much in that time. His heart surgery, another surgery to open up the incision when it got infected, he had sleep apnea and had his tonsils and adnoids out at 4, he has vitiligo, he gets wicked nosebleeds, and now this.

The hospital gave W. oxygen which helped the air bubble get smaller. They kept him in the PICU overnight for observation. The took another x-ray yesterday morning and the bubble did get smaller, though, it's not completely gone. We just have to keep him from any physical activity this week. UM? Have they actually observed W.? He's a a tornado, so wish me luck with that, k?

It seems to me from what I have read, that this can occur again. So, I guess I can add this to my worry-wart-list. What's one more thing, right?

My head hurts, I think I'm going to go take a pill. Night y'all.

Noah, Could You Build Me An Ark?

Last night I couldn't sleep. I was WIDE awake. Mr. Schmitty, as usual, fell asleep in nanoseconds. He was snoring peacefully next to me. I wanted to suffocate him with the pillow because I was just staring at the ceiling while my mind raced.

"Are you asleep?" I whispered.

"Huh? What? Who?" he muttered.

"Oh never mind!" I said.

He was snoring again before I even finished my sentence. Darn! I didn't want to get out of bed. I was tired but just couldn't nod off.

Okay, I guess I'll have to take action. I needed something to make me relax. I snuggled up close to Mr. Schmitty.

"Are you awake, NOW?" I purred. Bow Chicka Bow Wow!

So now that I was relaxed, Mr. Schmitty and I hunkered down for the night. He was still trying to figure out where that all came from when I last saw the clock at 12:30 am.

As it usually goes in my house, if you go to sleep later than 10:00 pm, expect something to happen during the night. Your sleep will be interrupted.

I was dreaming about a gorgeous house we were touring. It had all of the amenities and then some. Then I heard it, coming from the next room. I went to investigate. Wait, Huh? I jerk my head up and off of my pillow. That loud, weird sound wasn't my dream, "That's coming from my house!" I soon realized.

I jump out of bed and run down the stairs into the kitchen. What the hell? I run down another flight of stairs. No. Where is it coming from? I run down the hall, past the bathroom and into the laundry room. The noise was getting louder as I went. I flip the lights on.

OH.MY.LORD! There is water gushing from behind the washing machine. GUSHING!

"MR SCHMITTY!" I yell up the stairs.

I'm turning the knob for the water shut-off behind the washer. It's not stopping! He ran in and tried. Water is still shooting out everywhere. He runs into the playroom and yanks all of the buckets of toys away from the crawlspace door. He goes in. Where is the water shut-off?

He can't find the shut-off valve? HE.CAN'T.FIND.THE.EFFING.SHUT-OFF! We've only lived here 11 years!! He's the man, he's suppose to know where it is!!

I scream, "Hurry up, it's spewing gallons! GALLONS!!!"

The two of us are running around like chickens with no heads. It's 5 am, see what happens when you get no sleep? That's the last time that man will ever get sex! I swear, next time, I'm getting out of bed and blogging instead!

Finally he tries the knob behind the washer again. It shuts off.







Now, had I gone to sleep at a reasonable hour and hadn't panicked, I would have realized that I was turning off the WRONG knob. It was the cold water hose that broke. I should have remembered that from the time the hot water hose broke and I scalded myself. Red knob, hot water; black knob, cold water.

Okay, give me my hat, put me in the corner, laugh and throw rocks, I deserve it. Now let me go wash all of my towels and drain the foot of water out of my pantry.

Oh It's ON!

I was sitting at the computer today, trying desperately to think of something to write about. I also was trying to get my other blog written and pick a winner for the monthly contest, which will be posted later tonight! :D

I don't know why but my brain is in a complete fog today. I have this big void between my ears. I think my brain turned to mush during the night and leaked out of my right ear. I'm going to have to check with the dust bunnies under my bed and see if they've seen it.

I was stressing a bit because I couldn't concentrate on anything. I get really irritable when I can't function like that. Mr. Schmitty told me to jump in the shower and relax.

"Yea, that's what I'll do!" I thought to myself.

I crank up the hot water, I know it's summer but cold showers aren't for me. The air conditioner is blasting anyway. I jump in, pull the curtain, and I put my face in the spray of water. Mr. Schmitty decided to vacuum the playroom, which is right outside the downstairs bathroom, where I am "relaxing". Oh, how sweet of him!

Like I said, I've got my face in the hot water, eyes closed, mind far away.....aaaaahhhhhh AAAAAHHHHHH...WTF?!

Funny man decides to stick the hose to the vacuum on my bare buttock and scare the Bejeezus out of me. The sound of that air sucking on my cellulite was enough to scare even the most strong of heart. I know I'm probably a strong candidate for liposuction, but this is ridiculous!

"ARE.YOU.CRAZY?!" I screamed at him.

"What? I thought you would find it funny!" he replies. I can hear the muffled laughter from the other side of the curtain.

"Well, I didn't. Why don't you throw the hairdryer in here next time?"

That would be a side-splitter, huh?

I mean what was he thinking, that I would find THAT "relaxing"? The only thing it gave me, besides the black and blue mark I'm sure I'll have on my cheek later, is some great blog material. It didn't give me peace. It didn't give me serenity. It gave me a FREAKING HEART ATTACK!

So, my fellow bloggers, this war of ours has taken a very nasty turn. You would think after almost 15 years of marriage he would know better. I'm bringing out the big guns. He won't know what hit him. When he least expects it, it will be payback time.

Mr. Schmitty, YOU BETTER BRING IT!